Do I have to pay taxes on crypto?

So I am currently staring at a blindingly bright CSV file with exactly 412 rows of 2023 transaction history—and honestly, I am strongly considering throwing my monitor out the window.

Do I have to pay taxes on crypto if I never actually withdrew a single cent back to my regular bank account?

That is the massive, anxiety-inducing question keeping me awake right now. Last year, I got heavily caught up in chasing small-cap altcoins. I bought some Ethereum, immediately moved it to a self-custody wallet, and spent months swapping it back and forth across different pools. I didn't touch fiat currency once after that initial wire transfer.

But reading through the latest regulatory guidance (specifically the brutal Form 1040 adjustments targeting digital assets), my stomach is dropping. I am getting a terrifying feeling that every single one of those purely crypto-to-crypto swaps triggered a capital gains event. That means I theoretically owe the government money on phantom profits I never realized in actual dollars, right?

Here is what my nightmare scenario looks like right now. I need an experienced set of eyes to tell me which of these actions actually alert the tax man:

• The Fiat Onramp: Buying BTC directly with USD.
• The Swap: Trading ETH for some random, highly volatile token.
• The Cost of Doing Business: Burning ETH strictly for network gas fees.

How do you all survive tax season without losing your minds?

Are you plugging API keys into automated FIFO (First-In, First-Out) matching software, or sitting there manually calculating your exact cost basis? I tried applying a basic LIFO accounting method just to see if it lowered my hypothetical burden, but tracking the fractional coin dust made the math literally impossible.

I refuse to believe every casual trader hires an expensive CPA just to decipher a few hundred swaps.

Please tell me I am overthinking this—or drop a recommendation for a foolproof tracking method before April completely ruins my life.